I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were strong
believers and we were at church constantly. Sundays we had Sunday school,
morning service and evening service. Tuesdays we had bible study. Friday we had
youth services and if there were any special convocations going on we would
have church on Saturdays too. My parents were and still are very active members
in the church. I had faith growing up but it wasn’t very strong. They raised me
right and I am forever grateful for the sacrifices they made to do so. I didn’t
encounter many challenges in my life until I got to high school. I wanted to be
“popular” and to be accepted by my peers. I started hanging out with a variety
of different crowds and started pulling away and rebelling against my parents
day by day. Everyone got to go party on weekends and enjoy each other’s
company while most of the time I was at church. I felt like I was missing out
on something, but little did I know that they were trying to protect me from
all the bad things in the world that I’d soon encounter. When I was a freshmen
high school I became romantically involved with another girl. The
relationship didn’t last long and I never told a soul because I knew it was a
sin, and my parents would not accept such behavior. I thought that after that
relationship I’d never do such a thing again.
I kept telling myself it was just a small fling and is widely accepted by the world, so there was no need for me to repent or tell anyone in my family or church. So it was my little secret, but the thing about secrets is they eat you up in the inside they make you hurt in ways you didn’t think you could ever hurt. I thought that phase in my life was over until I got to the 11th grade and became romantically involved again with another girl, but this one I could not hide. The relationship lasted longer and I was so ashamed and filled with guilt for sinning against God and lying to my parents I ran away. I was gone for a little of a week and that was by far the worst week of my life. I felt lost, confused, hurt, and angry. I was sleeping here and there and going to school as if nothing was wrong, but looking back I am sure everyone could tell. I remember my parent’s coming to find me at school and the tears in their eyes when they asked me why I left in the middle of the night and I could not bring myself to tell the truth, so I lied more and more. Guilt and shame will cause you to do some terrible things. I believe they knew all along they confronted me about my what I had been up to, but often times I lied.
About a week after I had left I went home and confessed everything. An up until this point we have pretty much kept it concealed. I was so afraid of what people might think of me or say of me I just completely tried to shut that section of my life out. Only telling very few what I did and what I went through. My parents knew one day I’d talk about it openly they never forced me to say anything to anyone and for that I am grateful. I am stronger believer now then I have ever been. And I have to be honest on my views. I don’t believe as believers we can pick and choose what we want to believe out of the bible. You either believe in everything it say or you don’t and it says homosexuality is a sin (Leviticus 18:22 & 1 Cor. 6:9-10). I am just stating the biblical facts. I also know the bible says the most important commandment is to love God and to love others (Mark12:30-31). Love everyone no matter what there life style choice is and let God be God and do the convicting and the cleansing. I wanted to share this because I’m just not into secrets anymore. I feel like God wants to take me to levels in our relationship and He wouldn’t do this unless I was honest with others and myself. No one said living for God would be easy, but I know it will be worth it.
2 Corinthians 5:7
“This
means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life
is gone; a new life has begun!”
2 Corinthians 5:15
“And
he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but
for him who died for them and was raised again.”
